How to ease the stress on families (2): Explore the Learning Zone

By ILK Post

   June 27, 2022


Doing what you have always been doing makes you feel safe because of the familiarity. This is human nature. As mentioned in the previous article, we must first step out of our comfort zones and learn to harness the power of “resilience”. While we start facing inner anxieties and fear after stepping from our comfort zones, we begin to pick up new ideas and things. How can we turn anxiety into motivation, learn to live with stress and even facilitate change? The following four steps will teach you to slowly enter the Learning Zone between the comfort zone and the pressure zone, and keep moving forward to build a good family relationship!

Step 1: Acceptance

To change the status quo, we must first accept the reality. Overcoming your inner hopelessness, adopting a positive and optimistic attitude, and unilaterally accepting that you can change the situation is the ultimate secret to making change. Try to look at the current situation from other perspectives and acknowledge the need for change. Remember not to push yourself too hard to achieve your goals in a short period of time. Remember maintaining a relationship requires more than one person's effort. You need to accept the fact that you and the other person (no matter which of your family member that is) need a certain amount of time and space to slowly embrace change.

Step 2: Goal

Once you've adjusted your mindset, you can begin to set reasonable goals and expectations. For example, if you want your child to be more focused on after-school tutorial classes, you must first define the definition of "focus". For adults, "sitting down" for a 45-minute class is probably not that difficult. But for a three-year-old, ask yourself honestly, would that be a reasonable task to ask for? Try to start seeing things from the child's point of view and re-evaluate the feasibility of your usual requests to your family members. 

After finding the goal to strive for, it's time to explore the direction that you should work towards. This means finding specific ways to achieve the goal practically. If you want your kids to understand that you need your own space while working from home, you can tailor-make a new "character" in your world to help them understand what work means. Mr Wu mentioned a family case where the father put up the word "office" on his door, which aroused the curiosity of the children. Adults can take advantage of the curiosity and let the children play the role of a courier company employee to "deliver" documents to dad. Then ask the child to leave immediately upon "delivery" and spend time with dad when he gets off work. This case uses a fun approach to help children understand what work means by putting yourself in the child's shoes.

Step 3: Understanding

To change a person's (especially a child's) behaviour, one must understand the reasons behind it. Is there any reason to make the other party unhappy? Too often, parents are subconsciously ignoring the fact that they may be the root cause of their child's unhappiness or rebellion. Learn to take "people-oriented" as the principle of getting along with children, no longer stand in the high position of parents, but accept their feelings and emotional needs in order to truly understand them. If you can think from your child's point of view, you will be able to examine your own emotional management and control. When dealing with children, try not to amplify your anger. Anger is a hurtful and aggressive emotion with the ability to cause damage and should only be used against enemies, not your loved ones.

Step 4: Action

By reading through all the paragraphs above, I believe that you have fully realized the need to change and began to put things into action. Keep learning and practising and you can turn stress into comfort!

Summary

As long as you follow the above 4 steps, family problems can be solved easily. The next article will teach you how to make the most out of "resilience" to better communicate with your partner specifically, so stay tuned!


Wish to find out more parenting tips? Want your kids to acquire different skills and knowledge when staying at home? Check out ILK Learning’s Course Catalog to find THE course for your kids! Feel free to reach out for more information on WhatsApp, Facebook and Instagram! We look forward to seeing your messages!


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